nor the inclination

MoD What are you playing at?

2009-07-29T08:23:00.007+01:00

The MoD, in its infinite wisdom is presently going through to courts trying to claw back the compensation it was ordered to pay, claiming that they should only be responsible for the first injury and not any further complications that these injured men and women may face even if they are related to the original injury.

Defence Minister Kevan Jones said the action was about trying to introduce "fairness" to the scheme.

Fairness?!

Kevan, have you yourself been injured in the head and now can't see things straight or indeed fully understand what is going on around you. If that's the reason for this court action, then I would understand. However I suspect you're not injured, nor indeed retarded, although the the jury is out on that one, and it seems your lack of understanding comes not from a lack of knowledge, but a deep misguided understanding of what drives the UK general public.

This isn't a political blog, I treat you all with the same level of distrust, so don't take it personally when I say you are a fucking idiot if you thought that this was a good idea or indeed good timing for your own party and your own skin.

The UK has gone to battle since roughly Labour has been in power. In that time families in the UK have had to come to terms with the loss of loved ones, injuries to loved ones and don't forget the mental struggle a lot of people will go through over the years. The British public stand united on the streets of Wootton Bassett, they stand united on the streets of London, of Glasgow and anywhere else where our freedom is threatened.

The very least you could do is give these men the dignity that they deserve and stop this action going through the courts.Can I ask how much the court proceedings have cost? More than the compensation, yes I'll take that bet.

Your an idiot, if you don't back the forces people won't join and nor will you get the political support that you so desperately crave - it's as simple as that.

You're a disgrace, the MoD is a disgrace and yet, I expected little else.

Doritos and Dodgeball

2009-05-29T08:12:00.004+01:00

If you haven't got round to playing this yet, you're missing out.

Devised by those clever folk back at AMV, and produced by the ever talented Unit9 you are, by

the power of 21st century technology, able to go online and shoot people like Timmy Mallett

(sadly only with harmless balls) - for those outside the UK, he's an annoying twat who happens

to get on the TV, a lot.

It's a great execution of work allowing pretty much realtime shooting from your mouse,

which must have been a logistical nightmare, but it's worked extremely well and certainly

captures the silliness that is Dodgeball.

A quick apology for anyone who plays Dodgeball at a serious level, I'm not taking the piss.

By all accounts Jody Marsh (another talentless halfwit who happens to crave attention)

was pretty good even though she has a phobia of balls - oh it's too easy so I won't.

So, click the link, log in and get firing at the hapless fools. Take note, there is a team

from AMV heading down on Sunday - so get your eye and trigger finger in before then.

Argentinian Taxi Driver returns £22k to owner

2009-05-08T12:03:00.005+01:00

Argetinian taxi driver Santiago Gori found £21,600 in the back of his cab. After a few days of searching he found the elderly couple and returned their money. A website has been set up to thank Mr Gori for his exemplary behaviour.

http://devolvelelaguitaaltaxista.com/

What a stand up guy, a gentlemen even.

Faith in human nature restored a little today.

Orange, just how shit can you actually get?

2009-04-21T14:52:00.009+01:00

How absolutely shit can the above company get?

Run by a bunch of fucking idiots who seem to be clueless as to what's going on around them. Orange, you are wasting resources, time, effort and customers with practises that are more in line with Dickens than the 21st century.

I've been with Orange for 9 years and never had a bad word to say against them, until now. Not only will they not let me change my phone (even though my personal situation has changed massively and I wanted to give them more money, lots more money) but they've now stiffed me for massive roaming costs, even though I couldn't use my phone properly abroad.

On top of that, I reach the customer service department (how about looking up the phrase Customer Service and finding out exactly what it means you donuts!) who have been utterly useless - where did you get these people from?, the fallout of the banking industry? - In fact, they've been worse than useless because they have proven to me that Orange don't give a shit about loyal customers.

So here it is Orange, you have lost me and countless others with your behaviour. I'm leaving and when I exit your shit arse customer services team are going to get the works from me. I wouldn't feel a twinge of guilt if you go under before the end of the year.

Well done France Telecom for ruining a perfectly good company, a sterling job done all round.

Here's to your demise.

Politicians, greedy bastards or just misunderstood?

2009-04-06T09:52:00.005+01:00

It's a simple question with a simple answer. Greedy bastards.

Just because you can do it Geoff (and the rest of you are no better) doesn't mean that you should. I can't actually believe that you thought this was correct. You're more of an idiot than your picture portrays, well done for that at least.

Every 10 plus years this country plunges through the floor, you take none of the responsibility and we move on. Governments change and the whole 600 + of you in Parliament get even more money out of the taxpayer.

You have no shame, you're disgraceful and above all you don't seem to see how you're not a fault.

Yes the system of MP's expenses needs immediate change, and there are a number of routes to make this easy for both the public and MP's to understand.

What also needs to change is the attitude of MP's - it cannot and will not continue in the vein that it is now.

Using tax payers money to pay for your 3rd house. Your 3rd house for fuck's sake!

I need not say anymore. For now.

Binyam Mohamed, if you dance with the devil.....

2009-02-24T14:03:00.003Z

I can't sit here and say that I agree with the CIA's or MI5's tactics.

However, one thing is certain. You do not, under any circumstances, go to Afghanistan to wean yourself off drugs.

That's tantamount to a gambling addict going to Vegas to "sort his head out"

The story doesn't really hold up does it?

Binyam, your friends and family should have given you sound advice, which you would have done well to take on board.

Sympathy for your plight, yes I have some but really, there were some extremely bad decisions on your part.

Everton vs Liverpool and ITV fuck it up with style.

2009-02-05T13:15:00.001Z

Is it any wonder that Sky Sports has done so well when given that this is the competition?

Grade saying that steps are in place to make sure it doesn't happen again.

How the fuck did it happen in the first place? why weren't steps in place to stop this. Are there steps in place to stop this happening with other live events?

I don't remember weird ad breaks coming on at the wrong time when other live events have been broadcast.

Inept twats.

Bergmonch Folding backpack bike

2009-01-26T14:54:00.008Z

Those that know me well enough can and bloody will testify to my fanatical approach to outdoor sports and general running around.

So imagine my delight when I saw this in Inhabitat - a bike that weighs in at 9.5kg, folds out from a backpack and has storage facilities also.

No price as yet, but RRP should be under £400 - well let's hope so.

Online Retailers & Unfinished business costs

2009-01-20T12:06:00.005Z

Online retailing and Unfinished business costs.

Andrew Walmsley - co-founder of i-level (knows his work and is a charming individual to boot) wrote a piece for Marketing this week regarding online retailers and the need for them to measure the amount of customers who check out before reaching the checkout.

Which, I may add, I agree with wholeheartedly, and have raised the same points over the years, mainly to deaf ears.

However he does raise one point which I don't agree with. "Customers don't write letters about this; they don't complain to the press. They just disappear."

Now this just isn't true. They blog and in most cases they do send emails of complaint, although these are normally directed at the company and not the press.

In most cases the problem lies with usability of the site. E-commerce sites will improve but I believe that marketers should sit down with both UE specialists and IA's and work out natural stopping points within sites and work together to ensure that when customers do leave the site, then they can work out why and if required tweak, fix and enhance.

If it's easier to go the the shops, then people will.

McVities Digestive Biscuits 'Leaving'

2009-01-19T17:02:00.001Z

What the fuck were they thinking when they made this? It is an utter turd of an advert. In fact it's offensive.

I would complain to the ASA, but it would only serve to increase further air time.

One final rant on this, am I the only one that got the feeling that the wheat leaving to be a digestive came across as gay?

Tony Hart - R.I.P.

2009-01-19T13:25:00.004Z

I blogged a while back regarding Tony Hart recently having to give up drawing after suffering two strokes, something he said was "the greatest cross I have to bear".

On Sunday, aged 83, Tony Hart passed away.

He was an inspiration to many and the world will be less colourful without him.

My thoughts are with his family and friends.

Suits, Great Service and Speedy Delivery from Indochino

2009-01-15T12:07:00.005Z

Indochino, not a new concept, just a very good one by all accounts.

Measure yourself, or indeed have yourself measured - fill in your details including your body shape, pick out the style of suit that you want and then wait for delivery within 2 weeks.

Any problems with the suit, you can have it altered for free, if that doesn't suffice you can ask for the suit to be remade. For free!

Total cost averages in at around $300 which is roughly £220 for your bespoke suit. Certainly not to be sniffed at in the current financial climate.

The fabrics look high quality, the workmanship is there to see, so no ill fitting potato sack with a bit of old string turning up in the post two weeks after you part with your cash.

Co-founders Heikal aand Kyle have an excellent concept, I wish them both continued success.

Paypal, what a shite company they really are

2008-12-18T10:19:00.006Z

Paypal, what a load of utter shit. I'd rather cut off a limb than deal with these wankers again.

"Hi I'd like to transfer some cash into my paypal account"

"Certainly sir, we can do that. Oh here's the thing though. I know we are an online company and we are meant to be using state of the art systems, but the money won't be cleared to use for 7-9 days.

7-9 days, are you having a fucking laugh? That's a holiday pal. It is not the length of time I expect to wait to have funds cleared in this day and age.

Hello! hello! hello! this isn't the Flintstones, it's the 21st Century. Get with the programme, sort out your payment mechanisms - fucking speed it up. Chop chop!

Grasshopper Folding Electric Bike

2008-12-11T09:48:00.003Z

Now normally when someone mentions the words 'electric bike' you picture an ugly, colossal grey mess with the design input of a turd. No not Slough, but you get the idea.

So when I saw this on Inhabitat it came as a bit of a shock. Although I imagine I'll have a bigger shock when I find out the price.

Still I'd certainly consider getting one and I'm really not big on bikes. Or indeed exercise.

Rod Blagojevich

2008-12-10T09:57:00.006Z

Ok, so you have 'Blag' in your surname and you look like this.

Has no-one suspected that he might be a bit of a crook? He is in politics after all, which is usually a giveaway no matter what country you're from.

Here in the UK, we work on the same principal regarding politicians - they're all a bit dodgy, the more you hear from them, the more they're lining their pockets. They occasionally get caught, though not often enough sadly, via the fantastic investigative journalists dotted throughout industry stalwarts such as The Sun, The Star and err..... The Oban Times.

Who can forget the legend that is Jonathan Aitken - what a fucking arsehole he was - anyone
know what he's doing now?

Anyway, back to Rod Blagojevich - is this the start of the Republican backlash or is he a proper politician - a 'wrong un' who just can't deal with the power thing so early on?

Android iPhone Commercial Spoof

2008-12-04T09:44:00.001Z

For all you twisted mac lovers out there.

Google.co.uk v Google.com

2008-11-27T09:34:00.004Z

A forum question that popped up, thanks to Robin Goad @ Hitwise for providing the research.

The table below lists the top 10 search engines in the UK during the same 4 week period. By applying the percentage of UK specific searches to Google UK’s market share and creating a ‘new’ search engine, "Google UK Pages from UK only", it would be the third largest in the UK with a market share of 10.03%, behind "Google UK All The Web" and google.com. This 'new' search engine, consisting of Google searchers only looking at UK pages, would have a market share more than three times that of its nearest non-Google competitor, Yahoo! UK.

MP's call for ban on cheap alcohol promotions

2008-11-10T11:18:00.013Z

Another stunningly bad idea.

So MP's are calling for a ban on cheap alcohol promotions.

I don't have the golden answer to the alleged 'drinking problem' Britain has but the above isn't the solution. One might want to look behind the alcohol, quite away behind it to find the root of the problem.

Let me take you back a few years, to the time of William Hogarth (1697-1764)

Gin Lane and Beer Alley.

Haven't we travelled far?

Trump, Aberdeen and very bad hair

2008-11-04T12:24:00.005Z

So, Donald. Have you been to Aberdeen before? Of course you have. So you'll know that it's gie windy up there on the sand dunes.

Which begs the question. Is there no-one in your inner circle of friends with enough balls to tell you your hair is fucking ridiculous?

Get it cut. You look like a twat.

Oh hold on, it might not be the hair.

They may take you seriously in the US, but over here, trust me, they will rip you to fucking shreds - I'm already importing Trump wigs from China which I believe maybe the saving grace to the banking system in Scotland. Possibly the whole nation's debt.

You can ride into the capital with me as the great saviour - but not with that *Barnet.

No way.

*Barnet Fair - hair

Apple now the third largest handset maker

2008-10-22T11:33:00.001+01:00

Earnings Call: Jobs Says iPhone Revs Total $4.6B, Making Apple The Third-Largest Handset Maker.

Jobs now claims that by revenues, Apple is the third largest mobile phone supplier in the world. Nokia (NYSE: NOK), is No. 1 at $12.7 billion; Samsung is No. 2 at $5.98 billion; Apple is No. 3 at $4.6 billion; Sony (NYSE: SNE) Ericsson (NSDQ: ERIC) is No. 4 at $4.2 billion; LG (SEO: 066570), No. 5, at $3.4 billion; Motorola (NYSE: MOT), No. 6, at $3.2 billion and RIM, No. 7, at $2.1 billion. “It’s pretty amazing,” but Jobs cautioned that they were able to sell that many by increasing the number of countries to 51 from 6, and that it’s unclear if they can sustain that pace.

Whether they can sustain it or not it still remains pretty bloody impressive.

Stephen Carter to prepare UK digital action plan

2008-10-17T12:35:00.007+01:00

The new minister for communications, technology and broadcasting, Stephen Carter, is to create a wide-ranging "action plan" for the digital media economy that could include legislation to regulate the internet.

Here we go again. Right, get yourself a good team, don't let the luddites at Westminster get involved. They are, with the rare exception, fucking idiots who know jack when it comes to technology and its consumption by the majority.

Also on the agenda are: broadband development, digital radio, investment in content, spectrum, the internet, media literacy and IT skills, public service broadcasting and independent production.

I notice there was no mention of mobile in there, funny that isn't it. No you're right it's not.

If you see Andy Burnham lurking around - keep him away by hitting him with a paperweight or a small truck - this is the sort of person that jumps about, waves his hands around and then you work out he knows fuck all regarding the subject matter he's meant to be talking about. And I mean nothing, the man's a sieve.

I'm sick of 2nd rate politicians holding this country back while they go on their own personal crusade. We can ill afford to lose anymore ground. Allow the UK to flourish as we have the skills to lead the way in certain fields. Technology is something we're pretty fucking good at. Censorship, we're not so good at so let's not waste time and money.

Stephen, you're going to get hung out to dry by a bunch of self serving wankers. I'll lay money on it.

Clash of the Mobiles - Semi Finalists announced!

2008-10-15T16:22:00.011+01:00

I really need Michael Buffer to do this but I can't afford him at the moment.

The run up to Christmas is upon us with gusto. Not that we have much spare cash lying around, I bought a bank the other day so naturally I'm stoney broke - although I'm tapping up Darling for a few spondoolies so should be loaded by Christmas ;-)

I digress as usual.

Ok, the first two making into the top four are:

While the other semi finalists are:

Let the best phone win and may it have some decent applications that I can genuinely be impressed by. Not the usual tardy shite please developers, otherwise I'll be round to steal your Diet Coke and force you to talk to real people.

Tartan Army faces drink crackdown

2008-10-10T13:00:00.002+01:00

Scotland's police forces said they are mounting a "major operation" to stop fans getting drunk on the way to this weekend's World Cup qualifier.

What a complete waste of Police time and effort.

I wonder who dreamt this up? Oh it was the Association of Chief Police Officers Scotland (Acpos).

Ch Supt Robin Howe of Strathclyde Police, said: "Members of the Tartan Army have a tremendous reputation around the world for their friendliness and high spirits.

So why are you putting this operation into practise then you patronising twat?

You're going to annoy a lot of people and alienate support for the police force yet again.

The vast majority of people aren't going to get hammered and act like pricks so why don't you focus your attention on those that do and leave the masses to enjoy themselves.

Over reaction, nanny state - poor judgement and poor policing policy.

People can have a drink and not get drunk - educate yourself and your force.

What a brilliant little cartoon.

2008-10-10T10:32:00.002+01:00

Eco Dome House

2008-10-10T10:12:00.002+01:00

Not only is it ecotastic (yes that is a word, honest guv) but it's been proven to wsithstand both hurricanes and earthquakes.

Looks pretty cool too.

What's wrong with this post from New Media Age?

2008-10-08T09:35:00.005+01:00

http://www.nma.co.uk/Articles/39888/Asda+Direct+non-food+service+finally+launches.html

Let me explain.

The article is around Asda's new non direct service which has recently launched - http://direct.asda.com/on/demandware.store/Sites-ASDA-Site/default/Default-Start

Now, I was reading the article online so one would assume there would be a link through to the site, that isn't me being weird, it's common practice for that link to open in a new window.

One would expect more from NMA as one of the leading trade mags in the digital space. Here's an idea, get your finger out, put the links into your site and stop being so fucking lazy.

Tony Hart forced to give up Art

2008-10-01T11:48:00.005+01:00

Tony Hart has lost the use of his hands and can no longer use his studio. Generations of us grew up with Tony, waiting weekly to see if our abstract scribbles were given the highest accolade of all and put up in the 'Gallery' section of Tony's programme.

As I was going through my cubist period my work was vastly misunderstood but I bear no grudge, none whatsoever, only loving memories of Tony, the Gallery music, Morph and the scally that was Chaz.

Tony also served as officer in the 1st Gurkha Rifles in World War II.

In light of this and being inspirational to thousands of children over the years, wouldn't it be fair and just to see his contributions to society recognised?

Gurkhas' joy at court victory

2008-09-30T17:35:00.003+01:00

We, as British citizens should be appauled that this even went to court.

Platini..........ferme la bouche!

2008-09-26T11:23:00.009+01:00

Hi, this is Michel Platini - he was a great footballer, in that there is no denial. However since sucking corporate cock for the likes of Sepp Blatter and Jack A Walker (who is a crook, he's crooked, he's a wrong 'un, he's a dodgy underhanded scumbag who deserves a lot more than he'll ever get) I digress and apologise. So back to the point, Platini has turned into a monsterous arsehole. Which is a great shame.

His hatred of the UK seeps out of his pores and into his interviews and statements.

I've know idea why, it's not like England will win the World Cup anytime soon - possibly just before the mighty Scotland, but that my friends is still up for debate.

So Monsieur Platini - pray tell why do you hate your Anglo cousins so?

Mobile Operators link with the IAB

2008-09-23T13:59:00.004+01:00

The top 5 mobile operators have finally got their act together and joined forces to ensure that mobile marketing as a medium is taken seriously. And about time 2 2b (did you see what I did there?) perfectly honest with you - a level playing field which advertisers can understand, use and benefit from has been a long time coming.

Now can we please get some decent creativity and planning thrown at this, NOT in isolation please.

There is now an opportunity to integrate mobile seamlessly into major campaigns - the handset penetration is there, the quality of hardware/software is there, the understanding from the consumer is there and the creative talent within the agency world is there.

I await greatness.......

Android launching tomorrow in New York

2008-09-22T15:44:00.003+01:00

Android launching tomorrow in New York.

My guess is that it will do well, however the majority of consumers do not buy operating systems, they buy hardware. Now I know that they are linked up with a Taiwanese company HTC b ut it is still essentially software.

If the Apple phone was any good at actually being used as a phone - they did seem to forget about that bit - then the market might not be so wide open. As it stands, it's game on.

Solar Powered Rickshaw for London's streets.

2008-09-19T10:22:00.006+01:00

Even the above will no doubt piss me off when I'm in the back of a cab crawling through Soho's narrow and impractical streets. But they beat those shitty bike things, they really piss me off. I know that people make a living out of it but come on, they're not road worthy and the only people I see in them are tourists getting stung with the knock on effect of them slating London.

I'm suprised that idiot Boris hasn't taken a shot at one yet, it can only be a matter of time.

Lloyds and HBOS

2008-09-18T09:30:00.007+01:00

Chief Executive of Lloyds, Eric Daniels.

Next role: Stand up comedian on sell out tour, read the comedy gold below:

Daniels insisted that the deal was not a "rescue" of HBOS and tried to calm fears of 40,000 jobs from the combined work force of more than 130,000.

"There should not be any impression that that this is a shot gun marriage," Daniels said.

The man's comedy genius and that's the sort of trait I look for in a banker.

Sony Ericsson Xperia

2008-09-17T11:32:00.007+01:00

Looks like a bit of a bun fight in the mobile market.

Xperia - decent looking bit of kit but how will the functionality score and will this be the last nail in the coffin for SE or will the Xperia turn out to be a golden goose?

David Cairns quits - at last some good news.

2008-09-17T10:08:00.004+01:00

David Cairns - ex priest who went into politics (if that isn't a recipe for disaster I don't know what is - a power hungry little shit not getting enough clout using the vehicle of the catholic church so he ditches them and heads into mainstream politics behind the coattails of Siobhain Ann McDonagh.
I'd like to point out at this time that she introduced the House of Commons Disqualification (Amendment) Bill in Parliament 1999 to try and get David into politics (okay it didn't work immediately but nevertheless he still managed to squirm his way in)
Siobhain is sacked, David then quits..........and over what - Gordon Brown!

You were both happy to vote yes on many other points - were many lives have been lost, ruined and millions wasted. Didn't hear you jumping up and down then did we?

List of what they voted on......I think I have it here somewhere:

David

Voted strongly against a transparent Parliament. Voted moderately for introducing a smoking ban.
Voted strongly for introducing ID cards.
Voted very strongly for introducing foundation hospitals.
Voted strongly for introducing student top-up fees.
Voted very strongly for Labour's anti-terrorism laws.
Voted very strongly for the Iraq war.
Voted very strongly against an investigation into the Iraq war.
Voted very strongly for replacing Trident. Voted moderately for the hunting ban.
Voted moderately for equal gay rights
---------------------------------------------
Siobhain

Has never voted on a transparent Parliament.
Voted against introducing a smoking ban.
Voted for introducing ID cards.
Voted for introducing foundation hospitals.
Voted for introducing student top-up fees.
Voted for Labour's anti-terrorism laws.
Voted for the Iraq war.
Voted against investigating the Iraq war.
Voted for replacing Trident.
Voted for the hunting ban.
Voted for equal gay rights
----------------------------------------------
All nice and bloody cosy isn't it?!

I haven't got time for this kind of politics - it reeks of back scratching and jostling for position from two very underwhelming politicians - and I use the term politician in its broadest sense.

Let's trust your constituents to vote the pair of you out. David you could always return to the church. I mean, talking shit at the pulpit is no different from what you've been doing for the last 7 years.

Siobhain - you should get a job in the Post Office - you love stamps don't you - or is that only buying them with other people's money?

Senz Umbrellas

2008-09-12T12:55:00.005+01:00

Again thanks to PSFK.COM for this.

Weirdly I was thinking about this the other day when I was walking through London without a brolly and low and behold it was pissing down. Again (to think I moved down from Scotland for this weather)

I was looking at the design of a brolly, which had been discarded at the side of the road as it had inverted and a few spokes were missing, and it got me thinking as to why the design hadn't been dramatically changed in ohh........say 100 plus years.

Here we have Senz's take on the 21st century brolly - a fine example and one that I'll definitely be buying.

I'd prefer one with a sensor that prevents the shorter people of this world stabbing me in the eye with theirs........but I'll soldier on with one eye, I suppose that's why I have two.

Canoeist appeals against sentence

2008-09-05T15:22:00.006+01:00

On what fucking basis! Jesus christ, this doesn't make any sense.

I'm not interested in the case in any way although I would be interested in finding out who's footing the legal bill? Any thoughts greatly appreciated.

Either way the lawyers must be pissing themselves and laughing all the way to the bank.

Ker - fucking - ching.

The End shuts its doors

2008-09-05T13:09:00.004+01:00

The End is closing its doors in January - Saturday 24th - 2009 to be exact.

A big thank you to Liam, Ty, Victor, Cyclone, Phil and the many others that helped make The End one of, if not THE, best club in London.

Look forward to seeing some of you there before it closes.

Thanks for the memories.

harry

Chain surfing

2008-08-29T15:06:00.001+01:00

Try this on a Friday night in London's East End and see what happens....

Jacques Rogge v's Usain Bolt

2008-08-21T10:58:00.006+01:00

Jacques Rogge has told Usain Bolt to show more respect for opponents after the Jamaican claimed the first sprint double for 24 years.

First of all you're Belgian - let's deal with that. Belgium and indeed the Belgians are not renowned for showing their emotions - some would say that the majority are very boring - not me though, oh no.

Secondly Jacques, what you perceive to be a champion and how the individual perceives himself are not necessarily going to be in line are they? I'm not sure you're in a position to tell Usain how to act in any case. You competed in 3 Olympics yet I couldn't see your medal tally........oh I see it now, it's a big fat zero.

Thirdly, you were partly responsible for taking the games to China. China Jacques, I mean what the fuck were you thinking? How much silver did you get for that by the way? - 30 pieces would sound about right.

Your words are of little relevance and your judgement seems at best, flawed. Stick to the surgery, it's probably best for everyone, at least there you can repair damage.

iPhone

2008-08-18T11:50:00.007+01:00

Apple products = Micrososft products.

Both make products with faults, both use their loyal consumers to highlight them whilst the products are on sale. Both then improve the products and then sell the next generation product to the same people and a larger number of 2nd/3rd generation movers.

None of the above is ground breaking, so why I am seeing lots of press about the iPhone not working properly.

If you have an iPhone why don't you try to call me (it might sound like it but really I don't live on the moon)

Shall we just wait for the 3rd generation? Now we know we like the product but we'd like one to be fit for purpose if that isn't too much to ask.

Anyone from O2 want to jump in to this and claim that it's nothing to do with your network and purely a rather large glitch with the phone's chip, Infineon?

They've stated that it's not their fault and that the chips work perfectly well in Samsung phones that use them. - Moco News can give you much more info relating to this.

Cheers! to all those 2nd generation movers though, virtual Carling pint glugging to commence forthwith.

Tesco self service

2008-08-05T12:15:00.009+01:00

It's all in the title "Self service".

And what do I get for my troubles........exactly. Nothing, apart from aggro when (and it does it pretty much every time) the machine gets stuck and then you wait..........until a cheery ever so helpful Tesco employee comes along to punch in a few keys (exactly what I feel like doing by this point) and we're on our way again.

Oh hold on, you have booze there.....ah well now you'll need to wait again until we check that your not under 18 and adding to the drunken masses that now (and always have done) swarm the country.

So here's the thing, and forgive me if this is a rant but it really fucks me off. And before anyone comments about going to another store - I don't have an option as there isn't another supermarket near me ok, so let me finish.

There is no incentive for me to use Self Service - no club points, not discounts, nothing - just a shitty machine (is it Amstrad I wonder?) that breaks down as soon as you go near it. It doesn't help with what is an already crap experience.

So Tesco, do me a favour or two.

Firstly, improve the self serve checkout - the technology blows like your Value sausages (No I haven't, I just read the content label)

Secondly, give me an incentive to use - let's face facts, I'm saving you a fair whack on staffing etc (you can't be paying a lot for those machines, if you are then you've been done) and since I'm doing the work, I want paid.

You're not a charity and neither am I.

The BPI are wasting everyone's time.

2008-07-31T10:26:00.004+01:00

Ok,

Let's get a bit of perspective here.

The BPI are wasting everyone's time and Geoff Taylor and his crew can quite frankly just piss off and stop bleating their arses off in the press.

Even now, years after the rise of digitally led services, the BPI are still so far behind the curve it is quite unbelievable. I remember going to a talk they did about 3 years ago and the chap from the BPI (sorry can't remember his name as he was so shit) came out with the classic line of "there is no difference between walking into HMV and stealing a CD and going online and downloading an illegal track"

Honestly.

What a prick.

The BPI (great site by the way, did you make it yourself Geoff?) are running around trying to grab on to any bit of land they can find. You're making yourselves look ridiculous and if anyone thought highly of you before, they certainly don't now.

So please, you can't turn back the clock on technology. ISP's are not the police and the police themselves have better things to be doing than running around hunting down 16 year old music lovers just cause they downloaded a track from somewhere you don't think is appropriate.

If the content was so fucking good, people wouldn't give it away free in the first place. If you want people to blame for the shit you're in - look no further than the music industry's very own front door.

President Bush tells it as it is.

2008-07-23T09:58:00.001+01:00

LGT and the Thieving Bastards from around Europe

2008-07-22T09:44:00.004+01:00

On the grounds of impartiality, I do hope that the authorities do their due diligence and make sure they're completely water tight with their case before they name and shame anyone linked to this. Especially in the UK as I'd be interested to hear who's been stashing away the cash.

Surely no one linked to politics - no I won't believe a word of it.

Please read the FT article as it starts becoming farcical as those who have been caught are now thinking of suing LGT for failing to inform them promptly of the theft which led to their demise.

No shame whatsoever. Not that I expected anything different.

Spoof Dolmio Ads

2008-07-16T17:31:00.001+01:00

Straight from Glasgow. And without apology.

Air Subway Monster.....Plastic Bag Art

2008-07-09T09:01:00.001+01:00

I love this, found it on PSFK.COM

July 7th 2005. In memory.

2008-07-07T14:10:00.007+01:00

We are resolute and we are strong because we bond together and work together. Let us not forget the tragedy that besets us, instead let us strive forward to bring comfort and support to others through whichever means we can.

In memory July 7th 2005

Keep Making Money In The Downturn: Solution No.1

2008-07-02T15:57:00.006+01:00

As the recession bites deeper everyday it seems, here's a tasty little number to draw in the customers and keep your revenues up.

You can thank me later when your business is still afloat.

Oh Sir Alan, please don't go.......ok off you pop.

2008-07-02T09:20:00.007+01:00

Alan Sugar to step down from Amstrad. Is Amstrad still actually in business?!

Customer
Hi I'd like to buy some third rate ugly looking electrical goods that might break within days of purchase.

Salesperson
Well Sir, you certainly know what you want, don't you! How about this phone/email monstrosity. It's only about the size of your house, actually it fits 4 people quite comfortably. Obviously it will break down within threee months but just look at the finish on that. It's a beauty. In fact I have one of these myself, I shipped it to Spain and now use it as a holiday home.

Customer
That does sound appealing, but can I afford it?

Salesperson
Of course you can Sir, no home can afford to be without tat like this. At under £50 for the product and if you want we can charge you £7000 for the installation including strengthening your floor to accomodate the weight, it's a veritable bargain. I'd love to give you a discount but any less and I'd be doing myself. Shall we say £7500 spondoolies?

Customer
Done!

Salesperson
You certainly have been.

Manchester News

2008-06-25T15:40:00.001+01:00

Just because it's funny, nothing else.

Crazy Landscape

2008-06-24T17:18:00.007+01:00

By Neal Coghlan whom I met at the D&AD new blood at Earls Court.

This is just a beautiful piece of work - asthetically pleasing and commercial too as it could easily be associated with any number of worthwhile causes or campaigns.

His other work is also well worth checking out.

Extendable shoes.....

2008-06-10T09:42:00.005+01:00

Now I don't have kids, but this design is genius.

I remember as a child having the trainers I loved being either given away or thrown out (depending on the wear and tear) Now I know I shouldn't get sentimental about trainers but I was only about 6 and it was quite strange that after seeing this site, those memories were brought back.

Does Adidas have help line - I think I need to have this out with them.

The Crusader

2008-06-09T18:13:00.001+01:00

The Crusader - a very funny short film - these guys, Neil Carter and Gerard Monaco should do very well.

If there are any art loving people out there willing to support this kind of work then please get in touch with me and we can discuss.

I for one will be backing their success.

Ad's......they're easy to make, just watch.

2008-06-05T12:42:00.002+01:00

As the sun is shining and we are nearing Cannes - bikini's, dresses, linen suits and ego's being packed in unequal proportions, this little snippet will give you an insight into the trials and tribulations of life as a Director.

Next week I'll be showing you creative and production teams beating on client services for over promising timescales to clients.

EURO 2008 - yes Scotland should be there you're right.

2008-05-28T16:54:00.003+01:00

Now, I thought he was doing a splendid job, I've no idea why you sacked him.

Him being Steve McClaren you understand.

So with that in mind, why have the BBC got him going over to Austria and Switzerland as a pundit?

Who the hell came up with that idea? It is, and this is as a Scotsman you understand, unbelievable. Out of all the people you could have asked who could have added great insight, some idiot at the BBC with nil (read zero) understanding or knowledge of football picks the weather man Steve.

Probably the same arse that asked Gary to do the golf.

Can you please own up, don't blame a committee or do any finger pointing and promise to do your job better.

Or you could do what most of your fans want Steve to do.....don't make me spell it out.

Congratulations to Zoe Hough & Miranda Abbs plus Enrique Reija & Borja Alvarez

2008-05-19T12:41:00.003+01:00

Congratulations to Zoe Hough & Miranda Abbs plus Enrique Reija & Borja Alvarez.

Two teams of young creatives representing the UK have swept the board at the Best Young European Team (Best YET) contest in Stockholm.

Zoe Hough and Miranda Abbs from agency Lean Mean Fighting Machine, beat 19 other creative groups from across Europe to win the gold award.The other UK team, Enrique Reija and Borja Alvarez of St Lukes, came in second.

Great to see young talent in the UK being recognised. Would love to see more of it on other platforms.

I know that Iain Tait has talked about this previously on his blog and whilst this is a personal blog I would like to talk to junior teams and individuals about work - but you'll need to go via my linkedin contact details

Xobni

2008-05-09T11:46:00.003+01:00

Xobni - genius software for Outlook.

Bob Greenberg at the D&AD

2008-05-01T11:13:00.003+01:00

So Bob, or Uncle Bob as Simon Waterfall lovingly called him, talked to the D&AD at Logan Hall last night.

He was a joy to listen to and it was thoroughly engaging to see the history of R/GA unfold. His influences, there are many and varied. His understanding, where and why he moved on at certain times, based on numerology (he works on 9 year cycles if you must know), and his passion to continue to create ground breaking work.

What I admired most about him was his appreciation for others and his admiration for their work and their professions.

A true gentleman and Simon you were right - he is Uncle Bob.

Real life first person shooter, This is mobile!

2008-04-24T10:37:00.005+01:00

Well it's taken a few years and it beats my game out of the water - but this ladies and gentlemen looks like a "killer app" that the mobile market has been looking for.

How the "non game playing" general public will view this might be an entirely different matter. And no doubt some power crazy poitican trying to save his seat and his meal ticket expense account will shout it down for being violent and a risk to national security (laugh you might, but I may bring you back to this post at a later date)

For all the gamers who know how crap games on phones normally are, this looks like the dogs!

Tango Tango Tango

2008-04-16T14:13:00.007+01:00

Now, you may scoff, but after trying it I can honestly say, even though it's quite hard to start with, the sense of achievement is pretty bloody amazing. And great for your posture.

And something to impress the girls with.

Yes, I'm still crap at it. And yes I've impressed no-one so far.

It's easier than learning Spanish, let's face facts - land in Buenos Aires in a few months with pretty poor Spanish coupled with a Scottish twang or........... pretty much zero Spanish, but can dance a bit of tango, enough to get a cheeky smile out of the Porteño - preferably the female population.

It's a no-brainer.

Barbaro!!

Sea & Air green energy combination

2008-04-11T13:39:00.002+01:00

I'm just putting this out there to see whether anyone can give me a reason why this wouldn't work.

If we can install undersea turbines then wouldn't it be sensible to make a dual use of the situation and have a wind turbine above?

Just a thought.

1st Class Service

2008-04-11T09:17:00.003+01:00

Taken from an email forum discussing Google's sudden u-turn on trademark bidding in the UK. As you can imagine lots of people wanted to air their views.

Here's the first email:

Ahhh help...how do I unsubscribe to this. I don't know how I got on this list but over the last 30mins my email box is full!

And here is the reply.

Hi Hayley,

Take a slow, deep breaths and whatever you do, do not panic!

Firstly, in response to your statement "I don't know how I got on this list..."

Well, either
(a) you signed-up to it yourself, or
(b) perhaps you are receiving the email of another colleague who has recently left your company (in my last job I received email sent to four different addresses - it's quite common)
(c) there is a naughty gremlin in the email system

At Chinwag, we take the ability to unsubscribe very seriously.

METHOD ONE
Firstly, look at the end of every email you received from us today and notice there is a link that allows you to unsubscribe.
For example, in all the emails I receive it says:
You are subscribed to uk-netmarketing as: deirdre.molloy @ chinwag.com To unsubscribe, email leave-4734318-3393308N@lists.chinwag.com
If you follow the instruction, and send an email to the unique email address (NOT the one from my email given in the example above!) supplied in the footer of every email you have received from us, you should not receive any further email.

METHOD TWO
You can also unsubscribe via the Chinwag website itself. There are further instructions here on our Lists FAQ:
http://www.chinwag.com/faq#unsubscribe

METHOD THREE
If however you do continue to receive mail after trying both of these, please drop me a line and I will delete you manually.

Hope that helps :-)
Best Regards,
Deirdre Molloy
Editor & Programme Manager - Chinwag
w: http://www.chinwag.com
j: http://jobs.chinwag.com
b: http://www.chinwag.com/blogpark
t: +44 (0)20 7183 2923
Chinwag - Connecting New Media People

Torch or torture, Tibet or Darfur

2008-04-09T10:15:00.005+01:00

Bob Greenberg to talk at the D&AD

2008-04-08T16:14:00.004+01:00

If you can go to this you should. Bob Greenberg is doing a talk for the D&AD at the end of April. You may know him, if you don't, you'll know his agency's work - from their origins in FX to modern day Nike+

Years of experience and by all accounts, very engaging and a thoroughly decent bloke . Don't miss the opportunity.

Ahh good old Bertie

2008-04-02T15:26:00.005+01:00

Ahh good old Bertie - works his little socks off in the business world, solves peace in Ireland and ducks out politics after years at the top and just as the noose starts to tighten around his dodgy finances (allegedly)

A lesson to all those blossoming business tycoons/politicians.

Bertie, my hat's off to you man. Now can you have a go at solving peace in the middle East or not?

And yes I have your 'Lucky charms' so stop looking.

Page turning technology

2008-03-27T17:38:00.003Z

I'm not going to put a link into this blog/rant because I wouldn't want anyone to go to a site that uses this.

Why ever not Harry?

Because it's fucking lazy, cheap, nasty and here's the best bit, it's not a magazine therefore you DO NOT HAVE TO TURN THE FUCKING PAGES ONLINE LIKE SOME DEMENTED FUCKING IDIOT!

Honestly, it's like we haven't moved forward in 15 years.

Here, I've a great idea - instead of having a mouse or voice activated software (don't get me started there) I've re invented the quill and ink - well it's a metal/plastic quill but you still have to dip it into virtual ink allowing you to write. It's a bit clunky and it doesn't work very well but let's put it out there along with much much better technology and smile.

What? What? Why are you looking at me like that, it's not like I pushed someone off a cliff!

I then see that NMA has iGizmo as site of the week - admittedly they do slate the page turning technology.......which then begs the question..Why the hell did you make it site of the week!

Exactly how shit where the other sites that they reviewed?

Glitches at Terminal 5

2008-03-27T16:58:00.002Z

I seriously cannot wait for the 2012 Olympics, it'll be a blast.

No sorry, that should read I seriously cannot wait to rent my house out and get out of London for the 2012 Olympics.

But well done to all of those down at Terminal 5 who couldn't even organise a few test runs prior to opening to ensure that the paying customer didn't get shafted by your ineptitude.

Especially the management, you must be very proud of your work.

London 2012 please take a very close look at what poor planning results in. I'm not saying that 2012 will be a royal fuck up, nor do I want to say I told you so.

Plan, test, dummy run, account for all possibilities and plan some more.

Don't let it run, see what happens and then fix it later at the expense of everyone else other than yourselves.

Grande Punto...again

2008-03-27T15:45:00.007Z

Ok, back to the Grande Punto, remember not available in green!

Right, we came up with a much better option for the Grande Punto buying public.

Instead of saying "not available in Green" at the bottom of the advert, how about this.

"Green only available in Sports Version Grande Punto GT 2.5 v6. Limited Edition"

Surely that's builds much more interest and more likely to sell the cars.......?

Mfuse and Sporting Bet

2008-03-18T14:51:00.003Z

Mfuse gets backing from Mark Blanford, Sportingbet founder.

Yet another signal that mobile is finally coming of age and will surely start to reap the rewards that have been expected of it since.....ohh, errr, since I can remember actually.

Congratulations to all down at Mfuse

Now, any chance of a decent tip for the Grand National ?

Grande Punto....but not in green

2008-03-17T09:41:00.011Z

This might be a tiny thing in the grand scheme of things (no pun intened) but can someone please tell me why on this advert a notice comes up saying "this car is not available in green"

What the bloody hell is that all about?!

Here is the car, but err you can't have it in the colour we are advertising in. And no we're not even sorry about it.

Seriously, I really don't get it.

Yahoo! to move to Switzerland

2008-03-14T11:43:00.003Z

Citing corporate tax reasons Yahoo are to move out of London and over to Geneva.

Maybe they could do a big " We've just come to Switzerland" launch campaign with Lewis Hamilton - picture this - a slow lingering shot of Lewis and Toby Coppel rubbing money over themselves. Swiss francs mind, none of your rubbishy British money required.

I'll get working on the banners now shall I?

McGlashan hits back

2008-03-14T09:20:00.004Z

I hear that the 2012 British Olymic Football team will be entirely made up of English players!

Well well well, there's nothing like pissing off the general public is there. No wonder Alex Salmond is getting so much support in Scotland with fucking ridiculous descisions like that.

If you have a holiday house in Wales, Northern Ireland or Scotland one might suggest that you increase your fire insurance. Not that I could condone that sort of behaviour, I'd rather watch McGlashan take the piss out of you.

On that note I did read somewhere about the Cornish National Liberation Army being described as the "Ooooh arrr aaay"

Enjoy the clip, it's brilliant.

Struggle in the middle east

2008-03-11T13:51:00.004Z

I heard about this on BBC Worldservice very late one night. It's two bloggers, one from each side of the fence in the middle east, friends before and hopefully they'll meet up again in the future.

It makes compelling reading.

William Eccleshare - probably the brainiest man in adland

2008-03-06T11:24:00.002Z

We are in the middle of doing a little test to see how quickly we can get this to the number 1 listing in Google.

The list is a little out of date in terms of where people are working but the content is pretty spot on.

Check it out.

Humour of the Scots

2008-02-29T11:37:00.000Z

I love this......

A man walks into a Glasgow library and says to the librarian,
"Excuse me Miss, do ye huv any books on suicide?"

The librarian looks up and says,
"Fuck off! Ye'll no bring it back!"

Nokia Concept Phone

2008-02-27T11:43:00.002Z

I could lose this in an instant, but I'd still like to try it out.

Northern Rock Fiasco

2008-02-26T08:34:00.004Z

Is it just me or does anyone else think that the management at Northern Rock have come out of this monetary car crash with their pockets well and truly lined and receiving no more than a stern telling off by a bunch of suits?

I don't see any mortgage lenders being bailed out in America in the same way unless someone can give me information to the contrary?

I do see a lot of press, bashing politicians for their handling of the situation, but surely the blame must be put squarely at the door of the Northern Rock management and their woefully inadequate contingency planning. The doors were falling off long before this hit the press.

I shouldn't really care as I don't have a mortgage or anything else to do with Northern Rock but it really will piss me off when I see Matt Ridley & Adam Applegarth and the rest of the brilliant management team back in full time employment.

Stability in the London Finance market?

Please.

Inflatable Summer House

2008-02-21T12:16:00.006Z

I would love one of these for the summer.

Would go well with the jetpack no?

Oh hold on, I need a garden first.

London Underground has lost it.

2008-02-13T10:26:00.004Z

FFS!

Need I say anymore.

100 channels on my phone

2008-02-12T10:04:00.001Z

Well it's taken a while, but eventually Orange are maybe finally getting their head round this.

Previously I signed up for SkySports TV via my N95 whilst I was sitting on a train heading to Edinburgh. £5 per month, cancel any time you want - not a problem you think. Then you get to the quality. It's shit. Now I was on a train admittedly so I gave it the benefit of the doubt and tried it again when in a fixed position and with full connection - still shit. The sound is brilliant, but the picture morphs between static players and that really trippy bit from the end of 2001. Not exactly premiership quality.

I can't work out whether it's the machine or the signal but neither can keep up with the pace - and as the old jokes goes - "she's got a great face for radio" - let's hope the digital radio stations are better quality (hoping the GCap haven't ditched all of them by then)

Must remember to cancel that Sky subscription.

This is communication

2008-02-12T09:12:00.000Z

This is a shameless plug for a group I've started on Facebook.

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=12589515123

I want to gather info from people inside and outside the comms industry to see where people think we are headed with communication channels. Ok don't turn off straight away - I'm thinking about mobile, web, tv, voice - how we interact with it and how we can make it better - think of all the platforms - the devices you have used and were pissed off because no real thought had gone into either the design or the usability.

And if you are developing something - hardware or campaign - or have delivered something into a business that makes a massive difference then please shout about it. Stop being all British and be bloody proud of you and/or your team's achievements.

can we get rid of the word 'digital'

2008-02-04T16:49:00.000Z

Since everything in the world we live in has gone digital, can we start to take it out of everday working vocabulary and start to consider it as normal not to prefix work such as 'digital campaign' and 'digital offering'

It's all encompassing so therefore not really required. 5 years ago when we were picking oursleves up again and trying to regain our confidence, yes digital was still being forged out as a channel.

These jonny come lately's who bang on about digital like they started the revolution. Same people who'll next be telling me that the 'mobile revolution is upon us and we need to think further than the handset and 160 text messaging'

I bloody well know that already, but thanks for patronising me - why don't you just go the whole way and come and give me a wee pat me on the head Benny Hill style?!

years later and still relevant.....brilliant McGlashan, brilliant.

2008-01-31T16:22:00.000Z

Some people might not get this but as a massive fan of "Absolutely" I had to post it up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ommSSZaKzbQ

It's brilliant on lots of levels not least because of the "Iraq" bit which is still very relevant today.

For more McGlashan and othere gems see www.absolutelyandy.com

I'm intrigued

2008-01-28T09:53:00.000Z

I'm intrigued by this. No it's not a crappy 80's tie, honest.

http://usb.brando.com.hk/prod_detail.php?prod_id=00186

A roll up piano which you can attach via usb port.

I'm thinking summer in the park - sun, wine and a few good friends. Lucky I have a mate who's very good on the piano.

Might even get the drum kit!

so not just the digital agenices then...

2008-01-25T11:00:00.000Z

We are continually discussing the skills shortage in the digital agency/agency world.

Interesting to see that we are not alone with this problem.

http://www.deloitte.com

The 2007 Deloitte Technology Fast 500 CEO survey recently revealed the beginning of a talent crisis within the technology industry.

With the baby boomer generation reaching retiring age, international CEOs cite chronic shortages of talent as one of their greatest concerns. More than half of the companies surveyed said they plan to expand their workforce by more than 25 percent, with the vast majority wanting to grow organically, but the biggest challenge to companies is "finding, hiring and retaining qualified employees."

Many CEOs have made it their top personal challenge to develop the next generation of leaders, yet a large number express concern with national education systems. Views on off-shoring have also changed, being seen not just as a way to capitalise on cut-rate labour, but as a valuable source of talent that is not available at home.

Having been on a panel at the Deloitte Fast 500 discussing this very subject, it was extremely interesting to hear views on how to tackle this problem, many of them a lot more progressive than those normally discussed in the UK.

irrelevant...possibly, but still.....

2008-01-24T17:24:00.000Z

Ok, so my commute aint that bad, in fact it's virtually nil. However for those living a little further out of the beating heart that is London, you could, with a little practise, take this to work instead of the tube/train/bike/shanks's pony.

www.jetpackinternational.com

Not recommended on Friday's however.